Macro-analysis of Plant Behavior and Relation to Neural Networks & the Perception of Pain

Foreword: This passage relies on my innate knowledge, but is entirely true. I’m always right. I’m never wrong.

Plants systematically function akin to a neural network, via varying degrees of transport and exchange, all funded by fundamental darwinism. This is fact.

What’s sexy about plants: there is no localized central processing unit - there is no single “brain.” The processing within a plant is distributed rhythmically, found most densely within the meristematic tissue (whatever that is) - within processing nodes scattered throughout the body of the organism. This is why plants are so resilient - even when pruned, as their processing units are distributed throughout the body; and when even one is not culled - they will re-structure themselves, in reference to their genetic code, while at parallel morphologically adapting to all detected variables, in limits to infinity.

Plants “hear” in a sense, in which they respond to variable amplitudes of vibration. In this same regard, they respond to wind; which fortifies them throughout - the central stem, branches, and leaf spines all tear in response to vibrational trauma - and via various processing nodes, “heal” via corking of said teared sections. Corking is a result of transfer of chemical resources, which generates organic pastes, which solidify on site; ie. highly-densified structures that are primarily composed of lignin, suberin, and some cellulose. Both lignin and cellulose form a pseudo-symbiotic relationship, with suberin acting as a barrier, in all plants.

Plants “see” in a sense, in which they respond to the variation of the electromagnetic spectrum: variables including light intensity, light frequency, and as a result of cast shadows. This is how bean stalks can find the nearest structure that they can cling to - not through a sporadic search via the tendril, but through millions of years of genetic selection that allows them to interpret the size and form of shadows (the lack of light) juxtaposed to the gradient light intensity shed upon their leaves. This allows them to chemically identify various structures in the vicinity, in which their tendrils could latch upon. This is why climbing plants, more often than not, know exactly where to reach, without wasting resources “searching” for structures. They rely on the variation of shade/light, much like our eyes respond to the electromagnetic spectrum, send it to our wetwork processing unit (cute lil brain), and trigger a response as a result of stimuli.

Plants “feel” in a sense, and not directly so in terms of pain, as pain resides upon a spectrum of extreme comfort and extreme discomfort in our animalistic realm - though plants “feel” as a result of electro-chemical signaling; a chain of events that cascade, in a gradient, through the organism - much like neurons firing throughout the brain that you are oh so familiar with.

Though, it does not make sense from an evolutionary (darwinistic) standpoint that plants would feel “pain”, as they are immobile - If a mobile organism (let’s assume a cervid) came along and chewed upon the top of the plant - there is nothing the plant could do, in terms of equalization of latency response. The plant - and let’s visualize in regards to this temporary iteration of localized thought that it’s chopped in half - with only its lower half, and root system remaining, would merely send a plethora of dull responses to the nearest node, or processing unit; and that node would echo into the next, though with even lower amplitude, in reference to the source of the injury, and would cascade via a decaying gradient throughout the structure of being.

Result: Plants do not experience intense pain, nor do they experience “pain” in the form of what the average human would generally assume. Their inability to respond in a mirrored low-latency fashion is a product, and partner of their immobility. Some though have evolved in such a fashion which defends themself in real-time; via capsicum, spines, abrasive poisons, or stench. *If plants would experience extreme pain when cut in half, they would all be suicidal, though this would not align with the reality we reside within.

TLDR for the lesser intelligent: As plants are relatively immobile in comparison to what generally injures them, they do not experience extreme pain. They cannot respond fast enough to statistically feel an intense jolt of pain. The “pain” is rather underwhelming, and the slow healing process serves as a way to fortify and preserve the most crucial components of the organism.

TLDR for those with a learning disability: Plants not feel lots of pain because they not able to instantly respond to lots of pain. Plants not able to fight animal who chomps head off plant. Plants feel dull signals that tell them where to push the healing recipe to. Very small pain.

-SAUER